FAQ - foster care edition

For those of you who have been following our family, you know that we initially submitted our application to be foster parents back in October.  We have completed months of classes, our home study, home inspections, and all. the. paperwork!  We are still waiting for the state to push the 'approve' button to be officially opened, but I'm expecting that to happen very soon. 

I thought it might be helpful to address some of the common questions/concerns about foster care that I have heard as we have been working towards becoming a foster home.  I love to dialogue about foster care, so if there are questions that I have not addressed, please feel free to ask me!

# 1 - Why would you do this?  Isn't life hard enough?
  I think maybe the biggest misconception about foster parents is that they are either super-human or they are in it for the wrong reasons.  Yes, you do get a monthly reimbursement from the state for being a foster home.  While the amount varies based on the type of child and the state, my personal feeling is that the money is very unlikely to cover all of the expenses involved in caring for the child and so I have to believe that most people who are choosing foster care, are doing it to provide a safe and loving home to a child who needs one.  Regarding being super-humans - Nope.  You don't have to be around my family long to determine that we are pretty ordinary.  We try to be intentional about the ways we discipline and care for our children and our marriage, but we are just two parents who work full-time jobs, love our roles as mom and dad, and can't ignore the fact that there are hundreds of children in our city who need safe homes.  We have room in our hearts and room in our home, and while I know it will be hard, I also believe it is going to be really wonderful for all of us.

#2 - I could never do that.  I would get too attached.
I totally understand where this is coming from - I may have even uttered these words myself when I first began thinking about foster care.  The underlying implication here though is that foster parents must in turn be robots who do not experience attachment and love, but are really just mechanical care-givers.  I will get attached to our foster children.  I will love them the way I love my own children.  I will care for them, nurture them, advocate for them, and believe a bright future for them of healing and restoration for their families.  Many of these kids have not yet experienced healthy attachments, so it is absolutely vital that they experience a trusting, loving, attachment to a care-giver.  As someone who has known and experienced deep grief, I know that it will hurt terribly when these children leave our home, but I also know by experience the incredible well of grace that is deeper than the deepest hurt.  I am the adult.  I can love deeply and hurt deeply so that these children get to experience a healing, loving home.

# 3 - What about your kids?  Aren't you worried about how this is going to impact them?
Yes, yep, for sure, absolutely.  I think about my sweet children and worry about them ALL.THE.TIME.  We are not just going to be foster parents, we are going to be a foster family, that means all of us are invested in being a healthy, thriving home for a hurting child.  Foster care is a place of trauma, it is inviting brokenness into your home and saying - "you can stay here, it is safe."  We have had months of conversations about foster care with our children and honestly, there have been tears (from both of us) and it still feels fragile as we don't yet know what it will feel like to do this everyday.  But, I have SO much faith for my family with foster care.  I believe that they are going to see first hand what it looks like to serve, to think beyond yourself, to give even when it hurts, and to love without guarantees.  I believe that my kids can handle the trauma of foster care because they come from a place of safety and security, they know that we can do hard things.  We will always be looking out for our children, re-evaluating the health of our home, and trusting Jesus to take the next steps. 

# 4 - Why don't you just adopt?
We thought about adoption and prayed a lot about that route.  Honestly, the price tag was the biggest deterrent, but as we begin to learn more about foster care, the more I felt drawn to this particular pathway.  I would love to have more forever children in my home, but I see foster care as this precious space to stand in on behalf of children and families who are broken.  I'm not doing this so I can adopt all of these children, I don't even expect to be able to adopt right now.  I don't want these mama's who are hurting and broken to feel like I am trying to take their kids.  I want to be for families - I believe that whenever possible, families should stay together.  I want to love these birth parents, advocate for their family, and care for these kids for as long as that is the plan.  I've seen a lot of children in my line of work who were in foster care for a period of time and went back home.  For some of them it was a solid reunification, and for others it led to lots of bouncing around.  The goal of foster care is ALWAYS reunification, until it is not.  My heart is to love these kids, give them the care they will need to build skills when they are at home and help them develop positive attachments.  None of that is wasted, even if the placement does not end in adoption, none of that time loving a child is wasted.

#5 - So does this mean you are saying 'yes' to anything?
Nope.  We have given our agency certain parameters to work with when it comes to placement.  For us, we want a baby, so ages 0-2.  We don't care about gender or race, but that is something that you could give specifications for.  We also asked for a 'basic' child, that means no obvious medical problems or special needs.  Also, our plan right now is just to take 1 child.  We are being licensed to have 6 children in our home (that means 4 potential foster kids), but we really feel like we need to ease into this one 'yes' at a time.  An important part of helping Jeff shake off some of his reservations regarding foster care was setting parameters and agreeing that this is not an open ended 'yes' to all things.  It is just the next yes.  There will be more phone calls, more kids who need homes, and when the time comes, we will say yes together, or the answer is no. 

I think those are the biggest questions that I've gotten so far about foster care.  Thank you all for your prayers and support for us as we have started this journey.  Foster care takes a village... like an actual village of people, so I'm so grateful to have friends and family who are willing to be certified as respite providers, take CPR classes and keep our own children so that we can do the things we need to do in order to be ready.  I'm so excited and eager for this journey to start.  Please pray with us for our first placement and stay tuned!

New Year

Wow... it has been a while.  2014 was a significant year in our household.  The year began in the wake of significant heartbreak following the loss of our sweet Ethan.  That loss really opened up something in my heart that freed me to quit trying to hold it together or work hard enough to earn God's favor.  It was simultaneously painfully difficult and wonderfully freeing to come to a point of real brokenness, allow myself to feel hurt, anger, disappointment, and deep grief. 

In His mercy, God did not leave me there.  He showed himself to be ever-present and no matter how I came to Him - angry, defeated, hopeless - He did not withdraw His hand and continued pour out kindness.  In the Spring, shortly before Jeff's birthday, we found out that we were pregnant again.  I remember feeling immediately terrified and not very joyful.  Through each doctor's appointment and ultrasound, God carried me, despite the terror and the uncertainty - He was faithful.  I was consistently reminded that no matter what the outcome of this pregnancy was - I would be okay.  That is a benefit to facing your worst fears and coming out on the other side ... there isn't anything to be afraid of anymore. 

On November, 18, 2014 at 11:58 AM after just a few hours of labor, we welcomed our daughter, Lydia Grace Priour to the world.  She is perfect.  She has a ton of hair, a beautiful smile, a sweet and easy going nature.  She is all we prayed for and hoped could be ours. 

Our first meeting

While this is certainly what we prayed for and we were overjoyed to bring our daughter home, it doesn't re-write our story.  There is a Lydia because there is not an Ethan, there was an Ethan because there was not a baby conceived before him.  There has been significant loss that will always be a part of our family.  I couldn't have chosen this path and having a healthy baby right now does not erase the pain of the years prior.  However, having been through that pain I learned things about myself and my family that I can't imagine we would have learned otherwise.  I am certain now that God will be enough ... no matter what.  When Lydia won't go to sleep, when she screams at me and I don't know why, when being Mommy is hard, it is much easier to choose gratefulness and patience.  I am grateful for our family, and I am also grateful for the journey to this point - even the painful, terrible parts.  It has shaped each of us - Jeff, Haydn, myself.  I don't pretend to understand why for some the journey to grow a family is difficult and painful and for others it is seemingly effortless, but I do know that no matter what your story is - God wants to use it, if you will let Him.  I am excited about 2015 and the new adventures God has in store for us.  One day at a time, that is all we have been given and what is entrusted to us... one day.  Live it fully, whether rejoicing, grieving, or waiting, God has a purpose for this day.

a baby for AB

I have to tell you all about my friend Anna Beth and the blog that was just started to help her family fund raise the $10,000 they need for IVF. I will share with you the blurb about her I wrote for the blog...

As a close friend and former roomate of Anna Beth's, I have seen just about every side of her and even at her worst and in the most difficult places, she manages to find hope and choose joy. Having Anna Beth in my life has changed me - it is what she does - she lives her life in such a purposeful way that lives are impacted merely by her presence. While Anna Beth has made some radical choices (living alone in a dangerous neighborhood so that there is a safe place for children to come, leading a team of college students to Turkey for the summer, after graduating - choosing to live with 7 college students in order to invest in their lives, and the list could go on...) she would not see herself as a radical person. She would simply see herself as an image bearer of Christ. While AB doesn't recognize these things as remarkable, she possesses a remarkable attitude of grace and joy. I have never seen anyone endure as much as she has while maintaining an attitude of hopeful anticipation. It seemed like the harder things got, the more determined Anna Beth was to choose to trust the goodness of God and accept what He chose to give her whether it was joy or pain. That doesn't mean she didn't hurt... that is another amazing thing about Anna Beth, she isn't afraid to be real and admit when things are hard or hurt. But even as she pours out her pain and heartbreak she has a determined grasp on God's love and provision for her. This whole journey of adding to their family has been so painfully personal to Anna Beth as her lifelong dream has been being a mother. And she is, she is a fantastic mom to Jace, and I know a long list of people who have been 'mothered' by her presence in their lives. Knowing Anna Beth, as hard as this journey has been and as much as she wants to have a baby - I don't think she would change any of it. She might not have chosen for things to be this hard, but she has fully embraced that the fulfillment of her dream will come from God in one way or another. IVF is the next step of this journey of faith, hope and trust for the Morgans and I'm so grateful to be a part of what God is doing in their lives through helping them make this dream a reality. My life and my family have been forever impacted by the Morgans and I can't think of a better response than to invest in their family by giving financially to help cover the costs of IVF. If I have learned anything from Anna Beth it is that God is so good... all the time, even when it hurts.

Go check out their blog and be inspired by the story of this amazing family and then get involved!!!

I am believing God for a miracle for them and I totally believe this $10,000 is nothing compared to the greatness of God. It is so cool to be a part of what God is doing through their family by giving financially as a step of faith. So, come on! Join me in being a part of God's blessing to them.

baby projects

I've been making lots of gifts for the recent baby boom of friends having children. It's been so fun. I love making something special for my friends to show them how excited I am about their new arrival. Here are some of the recent projects and links to tutorials I used (cause who needs original ideas anymore? .... thanks pinterest)

This was a blanket I made for a friend of Jeff's from work. I got this idea from a gift that one of my friends gave me when H was born. That blanket is his favorite and he takes it with him to daycare everyday. It is actually a really easy project. It only requires a yard of flannel and a yard of the soft, bumpy fabric. I've made a few of these but this was my first attempt to embroider...I used this book to learn the stitches, but I totally free handed it, so that was not the best idea.



Since I have a boy, it is really fun to get to buy/make girl things. I've been wanting to make a tutu for a while and found a great tutorial on you tube that I used. The best part is there is absolutely no sewing involved! So when I found out my friend was having a girl I immediately ordered some spools of tool on Amazon. Just an FYI it is much easier to use spools than to get a yard from a fabric store.



My next project was a onesie for my nephew Bryce. I had my sister's friends all make her or buy her a special onesie for Bryce that symbolized them. I saw this one on etsy a while ago and knew I had to make it. Since there wasn't a pattern this was my first time drafting my own pattern and figuring it out myself. I ended up making two of these in different sizes and on one I left the edges raw and on one I pressed all the edges. The one with the pressed edges turned out better.



Finally, I saw this adorable tutorial over at Lil' Blue Boo (I totally have a blog crush on her) for a sock bunny and decided to make one for H for Easter. It turned out so cute! I don't have a good picture of the one I made for H, but here is his holding it at the Easter egg hunt today.





I've got a few more baby gifts to make, but don't think I'll be able to get much done until after my comprehensive exam on April 25th. So, please don't come early babies!

meet Bryce

It has been so wonderful being with my sister and bro in law and their precious newborn Bryce. He was born on March 2nd. Here are some pics of the adorable little guy

New Daddy


New Mommy after his first bath


Proud Aunt!







Welcome to the world Bryce, we are SO excited that you're here!

I apologize for the lack of updating and update only to say that there will probably not be a good update for another couple weeks. My heart is heavy today...My sister is in labor right now and it feels so wrong to not get to be with her. Next Friday can't come fast enough, I can't wait to meet my nephew! Also, an American man we met during our time in Iraq was killed yesterday by one of his Kurdish students. I'm saddened for our friends there and for his family but hopeful in reading articles and facebook posts about him - he has made such a significant global impact on others through the testimony of his life. As Jim Elliot said before he was martyred in the jungle, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot loose". Will you join me in praying for the students at Jeremiah's school and the Kurdish community there?
Baby Bealer pictures to come soon!

babies!

Not mine...but, I've had fun making blankets for my friend's babies. Now that my friends have seen the blankets I can post pictures on here. Well, Chels has seen pictures of the blanket, it isn't done yet. The miniature version is done, but I was not going for miniature when I started making it.

The first blanket I made was for my dear friends Bobby & Tyra who have been in the process of adopting a baby from Ethiopia for MANY months. It was such such good news to hear that baby Desta was finally coming home last month.



I love the little buntings that have been all over craft blogs lately and couldn't wait to make a blanket using them. It reminded me of the verse in Song of Songs that says "He brought me to his banquet table, and His banner over me is Love."



I used minky fabric on the other side of the blanket because it is the perfect weight for babies.

The 'work in progress' blanket for my sweet friend Chelsea's baby Carter (due in July) was my first attempt at piecing fabric for a quilted look.



It is minky squares on one side and flannel on the other. It will look a little different once it is actually finished instead of pinned together... but you get the idea.

Congratulations friends on your sweet baby girls!