A year ago, I read a book called 'The Lucky Few' and it spoke such courage and healing to my soul about finding God's best in the hardest places. Read this book... I mean, don't read this book if you don't want to say 'yes' to the hard places, but read this book because the 'yes' is so worth it. We have been praying about the future of our family, whether we should continue to pursue having another biological child, whether we should pursue adoption, whether we should do any of this at all. As we have prayed and cried and sought counsel among our close family and friends, we have felt drawn deeper into God's heart for orphan care. It has ignited my soul in a way that makes me feel alive, excited, eager, and full of hope. In October we submitted our application through a local foster care agency, we have completed our classes, are in the middle of our home study and are checking off the final boxes to be licensed as a foster family.
This hasn't been an easy decision, and most days I feel equally eager and terrified. I'm reading all the books, listening to the podcasts, reading the blogs, revisiting TBRI, trying to be "ready." The truth is that getting the room ready, locking up the medicine (and the laundry detergent), and talking to my kids about why we are choosing this 'yes' right now will not make me ready for the life and/or lives that will be present in our home and in our hearts in the coming months. We have chosen the foster care system instead of private adoption for several reasons, but one important one is because of the brokenness inherent within it. Saying 'yes' means inviting brokenness to come into your home and live alongside and within us. While I won't pretend I don't feel some fear about that, I also feel like it is a sacred and beautiful privilege to care for vulnerable children when they are most in need. I don't know if our placements will end in adoption, that is our hope, but there are no guarantees. We can't be sure of what this will look like, how it will shape our family, or in what form hardships will come, but I am sure that it will hurt - like everything that is worth having.
As we have waded into these waters of fostering to adopt I have prayed so many prayers and I have wrestled with wanting a guarantee from Jesus that it won't shatter me - He didn't give me that. What He did give me, was the peace and courage to say the next 'yes.' Right now that is the dozens of checked boxes on the licensing form saying we have done everything required. Then we wait for the phone calls saying there is a baby in need of a home and we will have an opportunity for the next 'yes.' I can't see what 'yes' will look like to the whole of adoption... so I'm going to take it one step at a time knowing that there will be both 'yes' and 'no' from me and from the Lord as we walk down this road. The ultimate goal here is not to say 'yes' and get to adopt a child. While I would love for that to happen, what I want even more is to leave a legacy of faithfulness for my family - that we have listened to His voice, felt His heart, and we have lived out a thousand 'yes's to Him each day.
I don't know what this journey will hold for us, but I know this:
"I did not cover my face from humiliation and spitting. For the Lord God helps Me, Therefore, I am not disgraced; therefore, I have set my face like flint, and I know that I will not be ashamed." Isaiah 50:6-7. There will be some pain and humiliation in this journey, but it is not disgrace and I believe God gifts us mothers will the steel required to set our face like flint and fight on behalf of our children. I also believe that God's strength does not disappoint - "Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines, though the yield of the olive should fail and the fields produce no food, though the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls, yet I will exult in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength, and he has made my feet like the hind's feet, and makes me walk on my high places." Habakkuk3:17-19. I expect that at times this will look a little (or a lot) like failure, and it will be easy to wonder, 'Where's all the fruit?! I did all this work! Where is it?' May I remember that saying 'yes' does not mean I will get what I think is being asked of me, but rather it is trusting God's good, Father heart and rejoicing in Him even when it feels like failure because He is working together a masterpiece in the lives of many and I'm only getting a glimpse of it from my own perspective.
We have heard God's heart for orphans in our community, and God bless my sweet husband - we are saying 'yes.'
